“You can find something truly important in an ordinary minute.”
-Mitch Albom
Last week, a friend of mine shared a great article that is posted on www.grownandflown.com and the “Grown & Flown” Facebook page, which if you have high school or college age kids, you are probably aware of (and perhaps, like me, mildly obsessed with). In case you have’t yet discovered Grown & Flown, it is dedicated to a wide variety of topics related to parenting kids ages 15-25. I discovered it and it became part of my daily life during my daughter’s senior year in high school as I prepared for the milestone of sending her off to college.
The article I read today was written by Melissa Fenton and is titled “Leadership Roles: If Everyone is Leading, Who is Following?” (You can click here to read the whole article.) It centers around the way that a lot of college applications focus on the leadership capabilities and experience of our students. Based on what applications are asking, it’s no longer enough that they participate in extracurricular activities but they are expected to have held leadership roles in said activities. Ms. Fenton wisely summarizes the issue by simply asking “If everyone is leading, who the hell is following?”
This article got me thinking back when my oldest daughter was in 8th grade and we attended the Welcome Night for incoming freshman at our local high school. There were a lot of presentations that evening and while I loosely remember some of the highlights (the band rocked!), the one speaker that I remember distinctly was the senior class valedictorian. She was lovely and well spoken as she talked to these incoming freshman about the opportunities that awaited them and told them about her own experiences during high school: She had a 4.9 GPA (at the time I didn’t know that was possible!!), was captain of the cheer team, ran track, was president of the senior class, served as a mentor to underclassmen and she was headed off to Georgetown in the fall. I remember being dumbstruck at the extent of her accomplishments and wondered if the eighth graders were inspired or completely intimidated? I’m sure there was a bit of both, but I am certain of how I would have felt as a student and I can tell you that as a parent I became concerned.
I wasn’t concerned about how I was going to push my daughter to do all of that; I was suddenly worried about the view my sweet, kind, smart, cute daughter would have of herself based on that yardstick. How would she feel if she just enjoyed high school, got decent grades and participated in an activity or two that was of interest to her? I expressed my feelings to a few parents that I knew after the speeches that night and it became crystal clear that I was speaking blasphemy…..the fact my daughter wasn’t taking any honors classes was met with several looks of disapproval. I can assure you I never engaged in conversations about my children’s class schedules after that day……never. Not because I was ashamed or afraid of what the other parents thought, but rather because I did not what I knew in my heart was right for my children to be swayed by what other people were choosing……their truth is theirs and mine is mine and neither is right or wrong.
Does this desire to allow my daughter to take a more gradual approach to adapting to high school make me a bad parent? A complacent parent? A lazy parent? Does it mean I don’t want my kids to thrive and find success in their lives? Let me tell you the answer – AbsoF*%&inglutely Not!
Do I believe what other’s might call ordinary can be Extra Ordinary? I AbsoF*%$inglutely Do!
One of my biggest wishes for my children is that they can find joy and be grateful for the moments in life that are Extra Ordinary. That seems a small wish so why would I want that for them you might ask? Because over the last few years, as I have left the perfect, well-paid, high-powered job, I have realized that the things that bring me the greatest joy in my life right now are SO ORDINARY! I love to bake; I love to read; I love to teach; I love to listen to podcasts; I love to garden; I love to pet my dogs; I love to hang with my daughters, I love to see a silly movie (like Shazam!) with my husband. BOOORRRIIINNNNGGG!!! And yet, for me right now, that is what my heart is telling me I need and that is my most authentic truth. And the greatest gift I have been given is that time and time again, life has validated that my decision to leave that perfect job was the right one; my relationship with my children has grown in ways I could not have imagined just a few years ago. I have also been able to give back to my husband some of the love and every day support he showed me for the past decade.
My truth is only mine and I have to constantly remind myself that I can’t allow myself to compare it to others. If you have read my other entries, you know that I have a love/hate relationship with Rachel Hollis because of her new book “Girl, Stop Apologizing”. When I found out the title, I figured I should close this blog down because anything I had to say would be considered copying her or leveraging her book’s success. And then I realized that while we share the desire to inspire people to go after what they want, I want to champion the people whose truth sounds a little more ordinary. If you’ve spent any time in the self-help, personal growth world, you know that there is such pressure to find your passion and make it into multi-gazillion dollar business and while that would be AWESOME, it doesn’t have to be the only successful outcome.
- I don’t want to build a multi-million dollar media company like Rachel Hollis but damn I’m happy she did and hope she keeps growing and thriving!
- I don’t need a podcast with hundreds of thousands of listeners like Lewis Howes but I am so grateful he does that and shares his wisdom with the world!
- I don’t need to speak to thousands of people for a huge fee or have a TV show like Mel Robbins but I am inspired by her everyday.!
I DO want to talk to people one-on-one and encourage them to listen to their heart about what it is that makes them TRULY happy and then make decisions based on that for their lives. I want to remind them to push aside the money and the stuff that we are told we need in order to be viewed as successful, and instead, measure our success through the joy and satisfaction we experience every day.
Right now in my life I am ordinary but in the most Extra Ordinary way possible.