It’s February 7th and I am feeling exactly the same way I have on this date for the last 35 years.
35 Years.
How Is That Possible?
My high school best friend Valerie was hit by a car and died 35 years ago today.
I was a freshman at USC, far from the small town of Elk Grove, California where I grew up. Ironically I was visiting with two high school friends who also knew Valerie when I received the news. Back then there were no cell phones and because I was away from my dorm, it took a bit for the news to reach me about the accident. Shock doesn’t seem to accurately describe my reaction because at 18 years old, immortality still had a strong grip on my world perspective.
The next few days passed in a blur; somehow I got back to my hometown and was reunited with our large group of friends. I know we cried a lot, shared stories and memories but mostly tried to make sense of the profound loss we had suffered. Our sadness was so deep but was no comparison to the pain of watching Valerie’s family grapple with this tragedy. I don’t remember any formal service or funeral – I truly am sitting here wondering if I attended – but know if there had been one I certainly wouldn’t have missed it. The mind is a funny thing so my recollection of those days is clouded which in some ways is a blessing but at times makes me feel disconnected from the grief I think I should feel. Grieving Valerie has been a complicated journey for me and I imagine the next 35 years will be no different but in some strange way it allows me to keep her close even though its tinged with sadness.
She was the kindest soul, the brightest light and the most positive, fun person I have ever met. She actually changed the trajectory of my life because her friendship gave me the courage to change high schools for my senior year. I left my all-girl, college prep Catholic school and transferred to my hometown co-ed public high school. Academically, I already had all of the credits I needed to make my USC dream a reality and so I spent my senior year having a truly quintessential high school experience. The friends I made during that singular year have turned out to be some of the most important and enduring people in my life up to this day. Without Valerie, none of that would have happened.
So today, as I do every February 7th, I recommit to living my life for her as well as for me. Every wrinkle on my face, every challenge I face, every success I achieve and every life experience I have, I do in honor of her. She was robbed of the chance to experience all of this herself and the world was robbed of the tremendous impact I know she would have had if she had been given the long life she deserved. I hope she is watching and knows how much she is loved and missed by so many even after 35 years. Her impact on people was deep and enduring and I know I am not alone in carrying her with me each day.
So, as I woke up at 3:30am this morning to catch a VERY early plane for a business meeting in San Diego, instead of complaining about the inconvenience of it, I will instead choose gratitude for this and every other experience life gives me today and every day.
Valerie Allen you are loved and missed each and every day and I know heaven shines brighter with your presence.