In 2016, when I made my decision to step down as CEO and resign from my firm, I had no idea what was in store for me. I knew it was the right decision, but I didn’t know anything more than that. I was jumping headfirst into very unfamiliar territory as I had worked with the same people, in the same industry, for the last 16 years. I didn’t have a plan and I didn’t have a ‘what’s next’. I just had a gnawing in my gut that said I had to be with my family and so I said “I Can” and had faith I would figure the rest out.
The journey through that time has been filled with experiences that I never could have fathomed and I feel lucky to have had the mental space to really take them in and be present to what they might mean.
“I Can’t” Is Our Own Creation
One of the biggest surprises has been the number of people who have reached out to me to talk about the decision I made. They wanted to understand what compelled me to take such a drastic step. They each had had their own motivation for asking the question, but the common theme was the desire to make a change and not knowing how to do it. During each of those conversations, I found that we all create reasons for staying in certain situations, even if our heart or gut tells us that we belong somewhere else. I had done it for some time before finally making the decision to be home with my family. As I had these conversations, I found myself mercilessly ripping apart all of the “I Can’t” reasons that each person gave for not being able to make a change. I wanted to show them the magic that could happen if they embraced “I Can” thinking.
What If “I Can” Is Possible
YES YOU CAN: You just have to be willing to reprioritize or change some piece(s) of how you are living. If you are unhappy or discontented, then I think you’ll find the risk is worth it.. Maybe you have a big job that earns lots of money and you go on a great vacation or two every year…..but you are miserable the other 50 weeks: Is that living your best life? Would a smaller house, less vacations, more time to _______(insert your favorite hobby here) make you happier? Only you can answer that but if the status quo isn’t working, you just have to be brave and bold enough to decide to change it. So many of us live in this never ending state of fear, held hostage by the belief that the risk of change is worse than the misery of being secure.
How To Find Your Own “I Can” Moments
I believe the key to finding your truth is to silence your head and listen to your heart. For some people that presents a huge challenge so, because of that, I wrote down the process I found helpful in both my own journey as well as my conversations with others. (Pay special attention to #4 – I think it is the most important step and the more you embrace it, the more insight you can gain.)
- Find a time to sit down and really look inward and listen to what your heart (not your head) has to say.
- Ask yourself if nothing was stopping you, what would you change about your life.
- Be brutally honest; relationships, location, job, lifestyle, health habits…nothing is off limits
- For each desired change, write down all of the reasons that prevent you from changing it.
- Now comes the hard part: for each reason, think of an alternative solution.
- Don’t get caught up in if you would actually do any of these things.
- Be creative
- Think outside the box, crazy thoughts
- If you come up with even one solution, no matter how crazy, cross your reason out
- Consider your list and see which changes are possible, no matter how crazy the solution.
- Think about how you would feel if you made those changes, even the most outlandish on the list.
- Key in to how that makes you feel in your gut: to realize that you CAN change your life.
- Identify someone in your life who will challenge you and talk to them about this list. I don’t care if it’s a friend, spouse, partner, pastor, coach, therapist or your barista….let them help you see the possibilities for your life.
- Put the changes you want to make out into the world and let those around you help you be accountable for creating the life you want.
People, we get one life. We get one shot. We get one go around on this beautiful earth. Don’t let other people or their opinions stop you from owning your life and living it on your own terms.
I challenge you to commit to one small change today and saying “I CAN” – it will put you one step closer to living the life you want!